Torture Myself

torture myself
with a life no longer there
memories that don’t matter
denial of who am I
past experiences
ingrained, but my brain
is where they exist
faded, distortions
a bundle of similarities
links made, blurred in one
revisit them for leisure
passing idle time
feel a pain in my body
inside laughter
leads to an outwardly smile
but the torture is physical
see the tears from my eye
how long will I keep doing this
and by I meaning the character
who lives in the mind
seek salvation from it
reminisce through the years
breathe in and out
oh the torture
be gone, stay behind